Entry: จำได้ Friday, May 29, 2015

I remember. I remember every taint of scars on that day. Even till now, there is a little hook angling on my heart. I remember.

It is just a super crazy day. Well, just business as usual. Everyday is madness. What's different today is the harping from my boss. She's just constantly hunting down on me to get her work done. What doesn't do justice is that I am supposed to get her stuffs done, but I have yet to plan out the work next week, in which I am leading. I was even lectured that I am supposed to work on stuffs given by everyone else immediately. Okay. Now, so where am I in this picture? I know, stuffs that I do falls under the category of "That's your stuffs". No wonder no one talks about teamwork. It's better that you die rather than me. Sad นะ. Sad to see how selfish people is.

Well, I was determined to finish as much as I can. To get rid of those "That's your stuffs" stuffs, I just don't want to screw up my own things. I know, I will then be subjected under heavy scrutiny if I drop balls, balls under my care.

Super tried on my way home. Just plain exhausted, emotionally tired. I just got so sick of the shits thrown at me. I even told Sujin, I'll just wipe it down if shits were thrown to me. I guess I needed more tissue paper. Somehow, somewhere, I recalled what had happened 2 years ago.

The scar.

"Stop, stop all your Sands work. Handover." That was Thursday. Some shits were about to make known to the client the next day, and that Thursday was my second last day of work in that company. I was at ease after hearing that harsh statement, in a way I did felt apologetic. I even had a silly thought of apologizing to him. But going by the way how they'd had done on me, I think that's not much needed. I remember the agonizing moment that Wednesday evening to Friday afternoon.

"We'd rather have someone else than him.", "We can do without him.". Not the exact phrasing, but it's along the line. I was actually smiling when hearing that, and still smiling now. Not a evil smile, but a smile of empathy. For someone to say that, it must had been very difficult. And to help them do away this pain, is to go away. Go far far away, and to disappear in their eyes. Thankfully, Paran is over joyed on Friday. That has probably meant the end of his pain.

I read again G's email. It was bitter toned. Not as harsh as the words uttered by him. It did bought me back to a reality check, as what the email mentioned.

I take this scar with me, to remember what bitter taste like, to remember what human nature is, to remember feelings - feelings for others, to remember to check on ego, to remember ugliness of a person is the person's colour - there is nothing as ugly as our self.

I remember. And I remember well. จำได้ จำได้.


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